What am I thinking (Dr Arkham)

[Doctor Harleen Quinzel]

Harleen sat in her office with her notes in front of her, she sat with her head in her hands as she didn't know what to do. That session with the Joker had gotten her very edgy and had made her self-doubt. She sat with head on the desk sighing. She hate written some notes down about how maybe she could deal with the Joker the next time, but how could she do that? Why had he said such a thing?

'I thought I had prepared myself for any story he would told me, but I wasn't ready for that? Was he abused, or is he making it up?'

The question was, 'How do I know what is true or not?'

She felt his words could be true, but now she was feeling sympathy for the mad man, she could relate to his pain and suffering. Yet she shouldn't feel that way, as it was unprofessional, she brushed her noted aside for a moment in frustration.

Harleen hadn't even talked to Dr. Arkham about what he had said to her, she could still hear his word echo through her head.

'Why do we have to have that in common?' She thought ' No one knows about the abuse I faced as a child, not even Dr. Arkham.'

She looked up for a moment,

'I couldn't tell them, they'd fire me. I have to lie about my childhood.'

'How can I face that man again? I have to eventually face him again, but I can't talk about that.'

She looked at her notes again, what she had written down made her pause.

'Yet what if he's like me, I can understand why he commits crime a little better now. If this was true... Who knows what I would have become if not a psychiatrist.'

She ran her fingers across the words Batman.

'Who knows, I could be just like him.'

That was a horrid thought to think, how she could think that? She could never hurt anyone like he had done. She hadn't event fought back against her father when he abused her. She grabbed her mouth after that thought. Why was she thinking she could be like him?

'What is he doing to me? I didn't think like this until I talk to him.'

She took her notes and hurried down the halls with a worried look on her face; she reached he mentors office and knocked on his door.

“Dr. Arkham, can we talk?” She asked in shock

[Doctor Jeremiah Arkham]

Due to several out of town meetings with investors involved in fighting Mayor Garcia's attempts to shut down the Asylum, Jeremiah found himself drained of energy recently. He knew that patients were being brought in as Blackgate was beginning to become overcrowded and he was falling way behind on work.

Another thing eating at his thoughts was the black hole that was Patient J. The steps taken to crack his psyche had proved to be terrible failures. He knew that things were beginning to grow tiring, he observed the tapes from Patient J and Quinzel, Jeremiah saw that Patient J was attempting to shatter Quinzel's comfort and security to ensure he kept himself in the driver's seat of the sessions.

This was a totally new breed of.. sick, though. A few times Jeremiah was close to throwing his hands up in frustration and sending Patient J to Blackgate to serve his time with the normal criminals but something kept Patient J here, something that Jeremiah couldn't explain. The fascination that Arkham had with trying to break into Patient J's mind had turned dark for a second, but after the few meetings he had regained control of the situation.

.. Or did he?

Adjusting his attention, Arkham looked up after the knock. He saw the blonde locks of Harleen pop through the door he greeted her with a warm smile, one that was definitely unlike him. "Yes Doctor Quinzel? What's on your mind?"

The sparkle in her crystal blue eyes reminded him of a better time, one that was less stressful. After cancer took his wife away from him, Jeremiah relied strictly on the work at Arkham to keep his attention and eat away at his time. On the outside, beyond Arkham's walls.. he felt as if there was nothing for him. He felt as if his meaning in life was curing the sick; people like Patient J kept him alive and ticking. As he removed his corrective lenses, he rubbed his eyes lightly and pushed himself back while looking in Harleen's direction, wondering what was on his young assistant's mind.. But had a clue- Joker.

[Doctor Harleen Quinzel]

Harleen didn't know how she was going to explain herself to Dr.Arkham, he too had talked to the Joker though, so he should know why she was worried? Had the Joker being affecting her mentor as much as he affected her? Had that man gotten under his skin, like he had hers. She had been written down her thoughts about what she felt the Joker was, but she had also written down her own thought about her abuse on a hidden page. She was keeping those written thoughts hidden from everyone, Dr Arkham and the Joker included.

She had listened to his story, she felt she understood him a little better, but she wasn't sure if he had told her the truth. It was not a tale that had been told before, as it was not on her list of tricks, but it was a tale she could relate to.

'Does he know? How could he know that about me?'

Harleen took a deep breath and entered into Dr Arkahm's office, she looked at him a little nervous as she was scared that he'd be angry with her. Her feelings of sympathy for the Joker were unpro-fessional, so that would be a good reason for her mentor to be angry at her.

When she entered his offce, her mentor greeted her, he then asked her what was on her mind. She took a deep breath as she was trying to find her words. She tried to find a way to explain herself to him. Would he be disappointed in her?

“Well I have a lot on my mind Dr. Arkham.” She began sighing, “As you know I have talked to the Joker... He said things to me, things he hasn't said to anyone else... I think anyways... I wasn't ready for he said.” She explained

She found a seat, but she held her notes close to her.

“I think I understand why he commits his crimes... If what he told me was true, it would explains allot. I just find myself doubting what he said.” She explained, “I almost feel sorry for him though, as I understand his childhood pain. I know I know, but he made me feel this way, Its scars me Dr. Arkham. It scared me that I can relate to him.”

[Doctor Jeremiah Arkham]

"If there's emotion linking you to Patient J, I'll be forced to remove you from your assignment, Harleen." said Jeremiah, he almost immediately chimed his opinion in.

A situation like this was volatile, Arkham instantly didn't like it. While he appreciated Quinzel's honesty in the situation- part of him was still disappointed that it came to this as it showed that her level wasn't quite where he thought it was as a psychiatrist. But, as Jeremiah would do- he'd poke and prod, he'd find if there was more to the situation than what met the eye.

".. But, I must thank you for your honesty. Usually a professional would hold onto these personal emotions and attempt to block them out which usually causes them to grow stronger. I've noticed a disturbing trend that the stricter policy is regarding 'taboo relations,' the more high the percentage that it happens.. Quite sad actually."

Due to his position within the Asylum, Jeremiah had seen many come and go through his walls.. but never one that fell into a relationship with an inmate. He tended to lean in the direction of less pretty- less personable therapists to stray away from these sorts of things happening.. but there was always exceptions as he learned.

"When I see you Harleen.." removing the glasses from his head, he continued. "I see a very talented, a very capable young woman with hunger to rise, to be someone bigger and better. I don't need to hold your hand, you know what Patient J-"

".. Joker.. His name is Joker.."

How defensive she got- that was a terrible sign and immediately raised a red flag for Arkham.

"No, his name is Patient J and should be addressed as such until his true identity is figured out. Calling someone by nicknames, especially in an institution to cure the sick is disrespectful- why do you think I refuse to answer him when he refers to me as "Jer Jer?" Am I an 11 year old? Do I look like I have time to play these childish games? It'd be like me referring to you as Harley, would you like that?"

The lack of an answer- or showing of emotion didn't answer Arkham's question but he continued anyway.

"Fact of the matter is, you're an adult, Harleen. The decisions you make- you live with. I'm not telling you what do because you're intelligent and know the difference between right and wrong whether or not we're going by society's warped standards. If you're sympathizing with him, especially for the things he does.. then I will pull you off of the assignment. Not because I don't want you to get close but because professionally? It'd destroy the progress we've made thus far, despite not being much. There's a line- imaginary, but a line and for the benefit of the Asylum? I can't allow you to cross that.. it'd be against the beliefs I have as a doctor.. I'm sorry but that's the way it is.."

He spoke, he put his opinion on the table. Looking up at Harleen, he waiting on a reply to see how she would take it. Either she'd storm out and continue her ways or she would see the light and understand that this is work- and dipping a pen in company ink is NEVER the way to go.

[Doctor Harleen Quinzel]

Harleen sat waiting for Dr. Arkham’s reply to her comments, she sat a little nervous as she had no idea how he would react to her. This was an awkward situation to say the least. She knew feeling sympathy for the Joker was odd, but she could put those feeling aside, still she had to tell Dr.Arkham how she felt. Yet Harleen was surprised when Arkham began his sentence, she tried to hide her surprised but she didn’t expect that.

Halreen didn’t want to hear those words, she didn’t want not to see the Joker again. She was making such progress with the Joker, but just because of one little thing, Dr. Arkham didn’t want her around him. She hid her emotions from him; she didn’t want Dr. Arkham to know that she was upset, as she wanted to hear what else he had to say.

Harleen regretted telling him about this now, if she knew this was going to be the result of her conversation, then she wouldn’t have told Dr. Arkham. She had just been worried and confused about things, but Dr. Arkham didn’t seem to understand, off course he wouldn’t understand .

The Joker had told her things, things he hadn’t told the others, she gripped her notes close to her as he spoke to her. He hadn’t seen them off course, he hadn’t seen what she had been told, now she wasn’t sure if she should show him her notes. She felt an anger surge within her,it was an anger that she had never felt before, an anger that had never been there before. Dr. Arkham's words, they were making her so angry. Dr.Arkham tried to compliment her, but when he said the Joker’s name as Patient-J, she just blurted out.

".. Joker.. His name is Joker.."

Dr.Arkham bit back at her after this, she didn’t look away from Dr. Arkham though, but she kept a straight face as he talked. She waited for him to finish so she could have her say, so when he finished this statement she spoke up.

“Then you will get nowhere with that thinking, I spoke to him differently and got all this information. At times we must approached a patient differently. The Joker is someone like that, once you learn how to make him talk he will. You must understand his thinking, just look at this Dr. Arkham. “ She explained handing him her notes on the Joker only

“See what I got Dr.Arkham, how much this is true I do not know.” She explained softly “What if he telling me the truth, it explains so much, it explains why he plays ‘childish games,’ as you out it.”

‘He won’t understand, he isn’t trying to put himself into Joker’s thinking. We won’t learn why he does what he does without doing that. We need to play his games. ‘

She looked concerned now, as she was worried that she might not be able to talk to the Joker again. Harleen had gotten all this information, not Dr. Arkham. Maybe he see how good she was by all that information. She wanted to act professionally, but if she couldn’t talk to the Joker again, then she didn’t know what she would do. She had made all that progress and now it was about to be taken away from her.

‘No I can’t allow it.’

“Well you can read my notes and see what I’ve got, why don’t we call it a day. Take what you will from these notes. Maybe you'll have a different theory from me, but I feel the abuse he faced as a child damaged him. Abuse can do those things to people Doctor.”

She walked to the door.

“Thank for talking to me, but I feel its best we leave this for today. I will take on your advice, but please don’t take me off this case. I'll be more professional, but at least think about it.”

It seemed like Dr. Arkham's mind was made up though, she WOULD be taken off this case. She just needed another chance to talk to him before that happened. What if Dr. Arkham didn’t know that she had talked to him, what if she talked to the Joker before she got taken off the case. She walked down the halls with that thought in her mind. She grinned a little to herself, she could tell him what was going to happen, but tell him something that her mentor didn’t understand. Off course there was one more thing she needed to tell him, as he had told her about his childhood, but it was only fair she told him about hers. She could do all this before anyone found out right. You see something was about to break in Harleen's mind and all it needed was a push to break it. Too bad no one told her this before she went to see them man who would push her into that break.

TBC in another thread